Random Thoughts on Things

I have not had a good couple of weeks. I have been seriously considering some major life changes and put the pieces in place to make that happen, but I am not a very patient person and the waiting makes me very anxious. I wish that I could be one of those people who could be just so “zen” about things. “Go with the flow” and all of that jazz. There are only a few people I have met who seem to have mastered this. I am not one of those people. I am the person who will do whatever they can to seek out and find ways to make things happen and when nothing does ponders what I did wrong. Maybe I didn’t do anything wrong. Waiting is part of life. This is my lesson. I am failing.

I received an email from the VCFA Admissions’s office yesterday telling me that all of the pieces are in place and that I will probably hear back in six to seven weeks. If you read this, please send out happy “accepting” thoughts for me. As I really want to go to this school. I think that it would give me a sense of purpose and direction that I truly need. It would help me solidify so much of what I wish to do. The little bit of glee that I get even receiving an email from the admissions office tells me that this is just so right for me. I only hope that the powers that be there see it too. It was good to receive that email yesterday. It meant that things were moving. Now, I just have to do that waiting thing again.

This month I have some vacation time that I have to use up before the end of the fiscal year, so I have a series of 4-day weekends. I love this because I get to spend most of my time on my writing/research life rather than the other part of my life. (Although I am grateful as it is the part of my life giving me money for things like food and clothing.)

Yesterday, I plunked myself down at a table at a Second Cup in the middle of the city with my laptop, notebook and Montgomery articles and emerged myself. A few hours later, I looked up from it all and realized that I got so much work done. It was like I was watching myself in action and I really liked what I saw. I edited some of the novel, read through two or three articles and wrote down some pretty clever ideas for the paper that I am writing for the conference. For the first time in a number of weeks, it felt like I was home with myself.

Later, I met up with R and we talked through some of my blocks with the novel. He totally saw why I had a problem and by talking with him, I felt a little bit better about where to go and what to do. He said that I built up the action really well and he was right there with me so it was no wonder I didn’t know where to go next. We came up with some ideas and I am looking forward to exploring how it will all go. The funny thing is, like much of the good parts of the novel, I didn’t even know about it until I was actually writing it.

I wonder if that happens with other writers? Is it like life? The best things happen when you aren’t looking…